Dear Henry, Month 1

Dear Henry,
You turned one month last week. You survived your first month under the care of two mostly incompetent parents with grace and dignity – and dignity is hard to come by when you spend most of your days pooping your pants. So congrats! We’re still proud of you.

Here are some things your dad and I have figured out about you:
1. Unless there is a boob attached to your mouth, you do not enjoy being held in the cradle hold. You would much rather be squished up against us with your head underneath our chin and your little frog legs pulled up against our stomach. You would spend the entire day there if it were possible, and there have been several times when I wanted to let you do just that because as comfy as it is for you, it is absolute bliss for me. I get to hear your wispy little breaths and suck in as much as that wonderful Henry smell as I can.
2. You find that a fresh diaper is the best laxative. The minute we put a new one on after you have spent the last hour struggling to pass some gas and poop just a little, you often detonate your bowels in one explosive movement, simultaneously frustrating both your parents and making them laugh like twelve year old boys.
3. In a farting contest between you and Grampa Jack, you would most assuredly win. This is quite an accomplishment, as you will no doubt discover the more time you spend with Grampa Jack.
4. You do not like being woken up from a deep sleep. Your father made this discovery yesterday and neither you nor I have quite forgiven him yet.
5. You take after your mother in two important qualities: you are as stubborn as a mule and you insist on overachieving. Once you got the hang of breastfeeding, you thought it would be best to impress all the nurses with your ability to suck a breast dry in ten minutes flat and gain weight at a rapid rate. When you want to eat, NOTHING will stop you. Not even the fact that the person holding you may or may not have breasts.
6. You love to show off for other people, particularly grandparents, aunts, uncles, nurses at the hospital, and basically anyone besides your parents. Oh, you may be a little fussy just to let them know that you are indeed a newborn baby, but when you are around other people, you are usually a perfect angel. But we know that for the first month of your life, you were at times possessed by a demon from the seventh circle of hell, particularly during the hours of 7-10pm, when your parents wanted to do nothing but lay down for a quick nap. But we love you anyway and like to tell ourselves that you are just feisty, not fussy.